Me.

I've not done very well, i'm up to 128 but hey, atleast it's not 130! I've just been so stressed recently and stressed me = eat.
I start my fast tomorrow and i should keep it going as my exam will be over with and i wont be stressed!

Today, i had my first photo shoot in a year. I am not happy with my body but i thought i'd atleast give it a go. And when thinking about this i got to thinking how you girls know me as El. A face behind a screen. Just another ED blog... Well i want to be known as more than that. I want to be known as me. So i've finally decided to let you see me. I'll upload a picture from todays shoot so you can see who you have been following, commenting, and recieving comments from. I don't like being just another person. But promise me girls, this is between just us... I will remove the picture in a couple of days, but ill keep it long enough for most to see.
I'm to the point of exhastion right now. Didn't stop yesterday, and today i survived a 6 hour shoot and revision until now on 5 hours sleep. I don't think i'm even thinking straight right now...
I best leave it at that, and wish you all love
Hope you're all doing great!
Much love,
El xox

So i got back to my 125 mark this AM but bring drunk I binged. I don't evenvwant to say on what. I'm expecting 127 tomorrow so by Sunday I should be back to 125. That was my goal anyway...

Need sleep so I'll call it at 125 today & updare with tomorrows weight tomorrow
One step at a time
Urg I have so much work to do tomorrow );
Hope you're all doing well
Much love
El xox

What's going on?

Evening lovelies! (:
(well morning technically)

I don't know what's going on but i managed to drop 3lbs since last night! And it's definite as even with water weight tonight I'm the same as i was this AM. 128.2lbs
That's a 5lb loss since Sunday ;O Technically Monday morning when i took my weight as the starting point. Incredible yes? What's going on with my body! Haha!

Today's been another day of goodness. I think it's the fast making me happy, i tend to be happiest fasting which is potentially dangerous. I noticed something, When Mia came into my life i was still pretty unhappy, depression is a bitch... But then Mia moved out, and Ana moved in. Mia still visits from time to time, but now Ana is here to stay i find myself happy most of the time. It seems when she is here, my depression just floats away. I like that feeling, and that's why i find it potentially dangerous for me. I don't want to get painfully thin, i don't want to become obsessed with being the smallest i can be within deaths grasp. I want to be thin, but not deadly thin. I hope I'll just be able to clear my judgment in time to stop.

Well, it's 00:20am and i have to be up at 8 for college, so i had better get going! Long day tomorrow, college, gym then my friend over to help with my English essay! I will update ofc, and since i don't have to get up early on Friday i will sit down and make time for hitting some blogs (: So expect some comments!
I hope you're all doing good and keeping strong!
Much love to you all,
El xox

Miracle!!

Good evening lovelies (:
I'm in an unusually good mood and i'm not sure why, but i'm not complaining!
I don't know how it happened but i'm down 1lb since last night... so, 6 more to go! It'll probably be 5 when i get up tomorrow :) I've managed my fast with ease! I found it so difficult yesterday i really thought it would take alot to get back into it but it was so easy today, and i have so much work and revision to do i can keep myself busy again the rest of the week (; I'm hoping to go gym tomorrow but it'd be on my own and i have a slight fear of going on my own =| Deffinately going Thursday with my friend and if it comes to it i'll go friday on my own.. shouldn't be busy during the day anyway!
I got this cool app on my new iphone 4 called MyNetDiary and if you have an iphone or bb you should check it out (: You can input your data, take before and after pics, record your food from a large list of foods (it adds the cals for you) and your exercise for the day (which calculates the cals burnt)
It's so awesome, and helping me alot!I think i will start posting my stats from that.. So here we go with the first!

Meals : 48cal (liquids)
burnt: 109 cals
BMR: 1432

;D

Not much more to say really! 130 tomorrow, then down to 125 by sunday latest!

I'd like to comment on my last posts comments!

Annie - That made me smile (: It is indeed me in the picture! Thank you so much for that comment, cheered me right up <3

bonesarepure - Thank you hun ^_^ It took alot of time hehe, i'm glad it came out good! <3

*Harleyheartsana - collar bones <3 =3 teehee! I'm motivated to get back to 125 so i can start losing again :D I will so be at 110 or lower by end of november! YAY! I'm glad you're still about and reading, quickly mention i can't comment on your blog ); apparently it doesn't exist. last entry i can see is monday weigh in over a month ago!! this makes me sad! I want to see your posts, i may have to unfollow and refollow? I'll give it a go! Stay strong <3

Leto - thank you so much (: <3




Stay strong girls!
Much love,
El xox

Bust.

After what feels like forever away from you i'm finaly back. And i'm ready to get going. This week i've struggled with eating but managed to gain 7lbs (fatass. i know) due to all of the "family" meals, partys and birthday events. But, one week and i'll lose it. That's a good way of thinking. I'm hoping to hit my 125 again by sunday, since i will be going to the gym thursday and also friday. Lets hope my friend doesn't bail on me, or i'll be going alone (which i hate)
So, today was ment to be my day 1 of fasting and it was going so well up until about an hour ago when i caved and had 2 small sandwiches. Yeah i know i'm a heffa. 2 sandwiches?! I can make excuses and say the bread i use is half the size of normal bread but i can't even be bothered. I failed, and i know i failed. And this feeling is just what i needed to give myself a kick up the arse. Now i'm roaring to go! No time to eat tomorrow, up then driving, then c/wk then college then bed! No time to stop and eat is what i'm planning. I'm going to allow myself 1 bottle of Coke Zero (for college) and 1 cup of tea. The rest of the liquid will be water. This will be the same until sunday when i weigh in! I'm going to actually try my hardest to not weigh until then!

On a happier note my birthday was a complete success! I managed to finish my dress and everyone loved it! here is a picture...

Yeah i'm a fatty i know - no need to say so -.-;

Just had a thought... If i can get the money together i could go to the gym wednesday on my own as i've nothing planned. Hmm, i may just do that...

Well, not sure what else i can say. I think i'll be updating more now i've got my Iphone and i can get on here from that! Also downloaded a diet app, to record my progress! So fingers crossed it'll help!

Hope you're all doing well! And i look forward to seeing your blogs ;D
Much love
El xox

Back on track

Thank you for the happy birthdays (: my birthday was awesome!! But i've gained majorrrr - so this is official to say i'm back on track ;D Now everythings over with - I'm fasting as of tomorrow! I will hit my UGW by the end of November! <3
I will post fully tomorrow, and comment on some blogs
I've missed you all so much!
Much love,
El xox

Kaboom!

So so so so busyyyyyy
Wanted to let you know i've managed to maintain - but not 125, put on a little sunday but that'll be gone by next week (;
My birthday tomorrrowwwww! Eeeeeeeee! Hope you're all doing well!
Much love !
El xo