Winter Wonderland

Thank you for your get well messages everyone (: I'm feeling a bit better today!
I woke up without major back pain which i was happy about, then when trying to fix my net i bent down and CRACK. Hello intense back pain. Haven't been able to do much today but i managed to venture out for half an hour to play in this...

;D
Snowwwwwwwwwwwwwww <3

We were hit by the earliest snow fall in 17 years and it was great! Infact, 14 hours later and it's STILL snowing ^_^
That did make my day a little brighter, and the back pain a little less annoying! Hopefully i'm going to be doing a photoshoot tomorrow in it! Should be fun!

I managed to get down to 123 but binged and now i'm at 125. So, my aim is 120 or lower for the weekend (: And my deadline date to get as low as possible is 20th for a friend get together. Family get together on the 17th so as low as poss for that too!
It feels so christmassyyyyy haha!

Hope you're all doing well, hopefully my back stops playing up soon so i can get back to the gym! I'm excited to go back!
Much love everyone,
El xox

Sick

Hey everyone, sorry its been a bit long
I'm at 124 today, which is crap considering i should have been at 122. But, i won't let it hold me back. Still going and wont stop!
I'm ill. So ill it's rediculous. Can't move properly because of my back and i can not breath ): Sucks so bad! All i want is a big, hot, meal. It's not nice ):
Dosed up on meds right now and hoping to be better by wednesday for gym. No chance i could have gone today!

Hope you're all doing well, and i'm sorry that it's all so boring and useless, i hope next time will bring something exciting to read!
If my net holds out i'm going to try catch up on some blogs whilst i'm bed ridden.
Take care, and stay strong loves (:
El xox

Midnight binge

I can feel it coming, so i'm going to do a quick update then get off to the land of nod.
main points =
You followers are amazing. I would be nowhere without your support.
New followers! <3 welcoome!!
Casting on sunday for a "help the heroes" fashion show in july 2011. Should i go? :O Not sure if i have the confidence to do a live show. Being covered by SKY Magazine too *cowers*
Day 1 fast complete! 124 tomorrow hopefully and off this stupid 125.
hmm, oh yes, gym last night.. here are the pics!

+ around 100 for walking there
It's not as much as normal, but i didnt realise you could input your weight and age etc, and get a more acurate cal burn. So it was calculating on the assumption i was 150lbs!! No way thank you Mr.machine, them days are well passed!

Oh, and that dress i told you about? i got a picture ^_^

can't wait to go out after christmas and wear it <3 also got 3 new dresses off of boohoo.com for christmas today too. So excited to get new SMALL clothes <3 hehe!

Hope you're all wellllll
Much love,
and i'll catch up on blogs tomorrow
El xox

I, wanted to see, something that's different, something you said would change in me

wanted to be, anything different, everything you would change in me

RAWR
You girls (and maybe guys) have been so supportive and i feel like I'm letting you down so much. Christmas shopping today with my sister and mum, and of course my mum knew i skipped breakfast and wouldn't let me go without lunch. I could have got a healthy option. Why didn't i? Oh yeah, because I'm a fat ass. -.-
I Binged. Which led to another binge. This sucks. I'm in the same ol' rut I've been in for the past month! You know if I'd stuck to this I'd be 100lbs by now? Mhm, sickens me to think about it. But i am making a promise now. I will hit 110 or lower by the 12th December. 
Yes.
And if i fail, i will delete this blog. Or at least not allow myself to post untill i reach 105<
Gym tomorrow, 2 hours on the cross trainer. Gym friday, another 2 hours. Then come next week i will have a monthly membership and i will be going anything from 5-7 days a week. I have 3 people who want to go now, so i could even end up going more than once in one day. I'll push myself until i can not push anymore.

On the plus side i got an amazing dress today for christmas. And some shoeees! I've been wanting these boots for ages and finaly have the chance to get them!

In black (not brown!)

I looked in EVERY shop i could trying to find black ones that i liked and finaly found them in the last shop. I'll try get a picture of the dress for another blog post!

Well, not much else to say, except i'm sorry, and i'll make it up to you <3 

Thank you for all your support. It means the world

Much love,

El xox

Someone like me

125 today :) So that means I could actualy hit 119 by Sunday!! Woo!!
This is just a quick post, I should update tonight or tomorrow night properly ;D
Here's yesterdays gym proof that shows why I dropped over 2lbs over night

^_^ 900 cals burnt! Plus about 30 crunches at 30kg (?)
And 184 cals burnt walking there and back
So that's 1084 cals burnt
and 1400 as my BMR with no food! So maybe about 2484 cals burnt throughout the day
=3

Hope you're all well!
Much love,
El xox

All downhill from here...

...is what I'd be saying if i didn't believe in myself.
But, since i know full damn well that I'm stronger than how I'm acting, the title was just for show.
Yeah, today's been bad. I hit 125 which made me happy, then, silly me had to b/p
Okay, so i can recover yeah? No. I then go binge slightly again with no purge. Then again with half purge.
I've probably gained about 4lbs, if i have then I'll be distraught and it will mean 2x longer in the gym.
I've already worked out out to punish myself. Gym tomorrow & Thursday. 2 hours, 1 & a half hours on the cross trainer, hopefully around 900cals, then weights. Maybe even a full 2 hours on cross trainer, around 1200 cals burn. Then again during the week, but not sure when! Wed night, or maybe Friday. We'll see. But total cal burn for this week should total at around 2100 - 3600. Pictures to prove, if i manage!
Fast all week. I have a photo shoot Sunday and i refuse to be over 120 for it. I don't even care if it's 119, i wont be 120.
Following my fail today I've decided to use my little black diary to record days in. Like "cals; 20" and "b/p" or "x cals burnt" (what exercise i did)
Thought it would be nice to look at after the weight loss to prove to myself how strong i am (:

I managed to get up to date on some blogs, sorry it's taken so long. Hope you're all doing well!
Thank you for all your support lately, I've needed it. And now it seems more than ever!
Much love,
El xox

In this broken beautiful mess i made

So i wasn't going to post tonight but i missed you to much. I managed to fix the net *fingers crossed* and i'm pretty drunk right now... I was 126.8 this morn, and i came home (drunk) and ate 2 tins of tuna, mayo, 6 weight watchers slices of bread! i know, FATTY! purged an i'm down to EXACTLY 126 ;D So hopefully i will hit 125 tomorrow! Deffinatly going gym monday as problem came up today with going. I will burn 900 monday, and i even have enough to go 2x, maybe ever 3 times. Just means no smoking. i'd rather go gym that smoke! I wanted to quit anyway... I guess i've proved how strong i am already so now i can prove i'm 100x stronger and 100x better!
wish me luck beautifuls
Much love,
El xox#


*ps... i'm that drunk i had to search beautiful to make sure i  spelt it right :|

;D only edited my tatt & background out, that's why it looks weird... not edited the rest! Me now ;D





pps - i got called "tiny" tonight by a friend who hasnt seen me in a few months ^^

Motivationnnnnnnnnnnnn 1!!! <3