Food baby

So, i stepped on the scales and as i got off i basically laughed through trying to hold back my tears. It can't be right - no way in hell... But i've spent all day basically eating since my family celebrate halloween majorly! I was completely horrified and ran downstairs to grab the lax. 4 taken. They take 8-12 hours to kick in so tomorrow morning will be hell. But i don't care. It's my birthday night out tomorrow and i WILL look great. Atleast i can go back to fasting till wed. Then i can get away with a salad, and straight back to fasting.

Although my brother said something that made my day. I know i should have been offended but it made me happy. He sat at the table and infront of everyone went "so where has fat el gone? She seems to have gone and skinny el is back." I smiled casually and said she's not coming back. He just looked happy for me, the whole family did. I was able to laugh along at the joke and feel good about laughing at my old self. It's great.

Halloween was a success. I promise i'll post some pictures of our house when i get them onto my laptop (the SDcard slot has broken) you'll love it! My little neice was the cutest thing ever in her outfit. We went to about 10 houses on the road and came back with a bag full. The only words she seems to be saying lately are "more" "bye bye" "ouch" and "thank you" - but as 1&1/2 year olds do, she says them cute. Everyone just melted! But it was fun (: Can't wait for next halloween when there will be 3 of them to take :D

I'm so sorry i haven't commented on blogs - i posted last night and it kept saying "scheduled" so i'd edit to post now, and it wouldnt, so i got annoyed and just logged off -.-; I'm going to do it now though! So be ready for some comments! I may not get around to all of them, i still have to do some English work, plus go gym - dye my hair and sort my party out! EEEEE i so cant be arsed with it anymore. Seems so pointless!!!
Anyway, hope you're all doing better than me... I'm not posting weight until i'm back to 125 so don't expect any weigh ins for a few days!!
Stay strong lovelies
El xox


Replies <3

*Harleyheartsana - your comments always make me smile and help me, you've been there from the start and for this i thank you from the bottom of my heart. Stay strong love xox

xXxPerfectliexXx - I also love reading your comments, thank you for following me and giving me advice // spuring me on!! Keep up the good work and you will definately hit your goals! I'm hear if you need me! Stay strong, think thin! xox

annaxoskinnyxo - Hey new follower! Thanks for taking interest in my blog and i hope you stick around (: You're absoloutly right about the pain on Anas face - beautiful pain! Stay strong hun xox

bonesarepure - Thank-you for the on going support i've received from you. I appriciate your comments so much and i'm glad i can turn here when i need to. Tomorrow is a new day and a new start! Thank god halloween is over with :D Stay strong & Take care! xox

Rowan - thank you so much for that wonderful comment, i am not gorgeous at all but thank you all the same ^_^ And i always try to make you guys smile if i can, esspecialy if it's after a shitty post by me haha! I love having my friend to speak to, but i chose not to. I'd rather a "buddy" IRL as she doesn't understand. Gym buddies is as far as i take it. Happy halloween too you too ^^ Take care hun and stay strong xox

Jennie - glad you like the pics ^^ and thank you!! I'm half way there, only half more to go!! Stay strong! xox

amy - that comment was exactly what i needed - Being called an inspiration is an honour to me, i don't take it lightly. I hope to be my goal soon enough so you can all maybe find inspiration in me. Thank you again, and stay strong! xox

her - Please do me a favour? don't think of it like you've failed. "It doesn't matter how slow you go, as long as you don't stop" - this is one of my favourite quotes. You may find it a little harder due to lifestyle and personality. But i promise you you will get there. I'm always here for a helping hand and hopefully to inspire you. I push too hard sometimes - and i hit rock bottom alot. Please don't be discouraged - 10lbs is fantastic and you are too (: Thank you for the compliment too and i really hope to be hearing more from you! Stay strong and never, ever give up <3 xox

thank you all for my halloween makeup comments <3

If i've forgotten anyone or i haven't answered something inparticular please feel free to give me a shout and i'll sort it (: Thank-you all so much for your kind words, inspiring comments and incredible support. I will not let you down! Oh, and one more thing...

HAPPY    HALLOWEEN

<3

Brace myself

For the week ahead....

♪We've come this far, why not find out how it works out for you and me♪

Hello everyone (:

Today was the worst in a long time. I was seriously hungover (which i antisipated) but i had to eat something - so i had soup and some bread. I got up to go to the toilet, ready to purge when mum and dad pulled up on the drive. Damnit. They have the best timing ey? So had to keep that down. Then comes dinner. Mum made me have some pasta. Tomato, basil and garlic sauce. I added alot of garlic to this as i've read before how it helps the metab. So if i have to eat, why not stick something in to help in the long run right? anyway, got that over with, small portion, then came the cravings and binge. 1 packet of wholewheat crisps (sunbites) 2 cookies and a skinnycow chocolate fudge icecream thing. All in all i think it was about 250calories just for that junk. All in all under 1000 but still - i feel like a failure. I've spoken to my friend and we've decided gym 2x this week, i'm hoping to hit 700-800 calories burnt each session. I'm actually going to sign up as a monthly member and go on my own during days i'm free too. I only do the cross trainer and bike so i'm a little better with going alone. Gives me a chance to put the headphones on and music up and ignore the world and my problems. Forget everything and become lost... hmm sounds nice right about now.

So the halloween party came around and went as quick as it came - but was an amazing night. Got closer to a friend, although she now knows about my "problems." I binged on buffett food - and purged. She obviously saw and that, but she's sworn to secrecy. It's nice to have someone IRL to speak to, but i missed you dears. I'm going to take this time before i fall asleep to catch up on some blogs, and i will do the rest tomorrow night (: i really want to upload a picture of my make up from the halloween party as i was so happy with it, i'm going to do this - and remove it within 24 hours. So by tomorrow late it will be removed from the post. Here it is!

[Picture been deleted]

Miss Stitch - Zombie <3

So, i weighed in at 126 about 10 mins ago after the binge & day of eating, i was 124 this morning. 2lbs.... I'm hoping i'll atleast be back to 125 tomorrow. If i'm not i'm making an excuse to get out of the roast dinner because i've been dreading it anyways. I just can't wait for this week to be over with and the memories to be... well, just that. Memories! I know it'll be a good week but it envolves so much! My posts may be a little scarce this week. 

This boy i posted about whilst drunk (embarrassingly) hasn't contacted me thank god!! I really am not ready for a relationship and i'm glad he's decided not to take things any further!! 

Anyway, not quite sure if i've got anything else to say. Just cross my fingers for tomorrow morning weigh in!!

Take care of yourselves lovelies

Stay strong

xox

This is what i feel like right now...

And i need this cat...

And this is just for your entertainment<3

drunk

still 125. explain 2m.
Met a man.....


Am i ready?

*Lolcats.com*

(:

125

Real post tomorrow but i thought i'd let you all know i got to 125 (:
Also i've still been jumping on when i've had the chance to update stats, info + Goal table, so keep checking!

Hope you're all doing good (: Much love!
Stay strong!
El xox

127

Hey everyone! Sorry it's been a couple of days since i've updated, it's been pretty hectic. I'm now down to 127lbs and still going down. I've spoken to a friend of mine and we've decided to become gym buddies which is amazing now i have someone to go with! I have the hallowe'en party on Friday and i want to be atleast 125 if not lighter by then! I was ment to go to the gym today but my friend is ill so we'll be going tomorrow for an extra big work out!
I've been getting alot of offers for photoshoots again too which is amazing for my confidence, My friend is helping me get back into it too so my first few shoots will be with her. I think that the shoots i do will start in December so i stil have enough time to get into the 110's or even 100s!
The weather is so miserable lately and it's so so cold, it's not good since i get cold to easy as it it! haha
I have driving today and it's been moved forward thank god! So no driving in the dark! Although i was supposed to have a photoshoot today with my friend and i couldn't do it because of driving!! I guess it's a good thing though, gives me more time before a shoot to lose a bit more weight and feel more comfortable ^_^

I'm watching Americas Next Top Model now and it's giving me that boost i need for today! I hope to be in that position one day (even though i'm a short arse!) and have the opertunities they have.
Been making more jewelry and i've even ordered some dragonfly charms for the red and purple bracelets so that other Pro girls can purchase them, and the dragonflies are a symbol of the Pro bracelets. I'm glad i can get them done for people!

Not much more to say, just a smallish update. I hope all you girls are doing great - i'll take the time to hit some blogs now whilst i'm watching tv before my lesson.
Stay strong!
El xox

130.2

Hello my gorgeous followers <3
That number, staring me in the face. I've made my 130 goal now, but .2 away from being in the 120's is nearly too annoying to bare! I wouldn't care if i was 129.9 - as long as it's out of the dreaded 130s.
Day 3 of the fast - Mum is cooking roast now and I've kindly declined. It's a usual thing for me so she asks no questions. But the smell is enough to make anyone break. It's just those crispy potatoes i want. And veg seems extremely appetizing right now! But i refuse. No, i can't. Ana's sitting here smiling as I'm taunting myself, she knows i wont do it - she knows her hold is too tight now. I smile back, because it's all i can do.

Ana, who is she? Is she a he? I was thinking about this today - and how we all perceive lovely Ana. Is she slim? Or is she the harsh reality of what we will face if we carry on with our lives binging and eating all those foods. Personally i don't like to think of her as my exact  image, she's similar but beautiful. Oh so beautiful. Her hips protrude from her sides like beautiful butterflies are resting there. Her collar bones astound me with their profound beauty. Her stomach, flat, toned, amazing. Her arms are the size of most peoples wrists, thinning as they go - and her thighs, the most magnificent legs i've ever seen. Slender, toned, the gap big enough to fit your fist through. Her looks admirable - the beauty and grace in her step enough to make anyones jaw drop. Light as air - float like a feather. She is my idol.

I would like to hear about your image of Ana - it would be very interesting. You can comment on this blog - or even post a reply blog and link me to it. Any links i recieve will be edited into this blog so others can also look at them.

I've just talked myself out of eating completely. I'm happy with this feeling, this empty - light - losing feeling. It's amazing and i can't get enough. This will stick with me for a long time. I know it. My clothes are now fitting for a maximum of a week before i have to put them away in the fat drawer - and reach for the next bunch of skinny clothes i own. It's dropping, and with it my confidence is rising. It's a wonderful feeling.
I hope you're all doing great - i'd like to appologise for my scatty posts. I tend to think i'm boring you all sometimes. I try to make them a little more interesting now.



I thought i'd let you guys know about something that happened yesterday. I was a bit weird the whole day due to this so i didn't post. I went to a psychic fair - where i had a sit in with a medium. My Gdad came through first, tipping his hat to show he's proud. But nothing else - then comes my nan. She talks, and talk, telling me all these things that shock me - intrigue me - and also cause me to miss her more. Although one thing came to the table which i really didn't want mentioned. I had an inckling it would but i just hoped for the best.
"you think you're fat, don't you" The lady said, shaking her head dissaprovingly. This was it.. my nan was telling her all of the secrets i've kept. Damn it i think. I nod and laugh nevously.
"She wants you to know she's happy you're healthier."
I smile, awaiting the bullet.
"You're not eating. skipping meals?"
I sit, astonished. What do i say? before i even get the words out she continues.
"It's not good. They have alot of opertunities coming your way and it's no good if you're sick, ill, and weak. She said please take care and eat more"
I smile nervously choking back tears. "okay" I manage, before smiling sweetly and getting back to the rest of the reading. She went on to speak about how my Nan loved baking, puddings, Cakes, and i'll smell them when she's near. She was right - I've been smelling cakes. And she loved to bake. She came out with alot more but i'd rather not say.
So, i spent the rest of the day thinking very carefully about my next move. Do i carry this on, or do i take her warning? As you can see, i'm in too deep now. I'm carrying on till i reach my happy weight. And i guess all i can do is appologise to my Nan. I'm glad she came through - and the things she said helped me alot.
I love her & my Granddad and miss them dearly

Anyways!


Take care of yourselves girls - Stay strong - Think Thin
Until next time lovelies
El xox

131

Scale is finaly back in the 131 margins. Okay, so it didn't go up past 132 but still - atleast i'm back to 131 and can go down from here. Might even make 130 by morning. I'm really sorry i didn't post last night - i done the thinspo then was to embarrassed to try and string together a blog post. Remember that good idea i had to eat before driving, well, i was wrong. I'm gutted that i was doing so well and ruined it all in a matter of 10 minutes!! I ended up having to eat yesterday as mum was home "sick" and told me to have a sandwhich before driving. I had a sweetcorn sandwhich (addicted to sweetcorn atm) and then come the evening, i ended up binging. 2 cheese and onion wraps - i purged when my mum was home for the first time ever. And i'm suprised i got away with it. But it's my first purge in about 2 weeks which is a good thing. It means Mia doesn't have such a big hold on me anymore - Ana is here and she's fighting for me. It feels good. Sick i know... But the feeling that she is there to help, to make me acheive what i want - no, need. It makes this a whole lot easier. No food as of yet, i want to binge but Ana is pretty much holding me back. I like that.

I've booked 2 photoshoots for decemeber now, so modeling is a go go ^_^

So i've been thinking a lot about life recently, my life. Wondering if i'm really happy with the decisions i've made. Since my ex, and then the guy who f***ed me about straight after - i decided "no men until i'm thin and happy"
But is that really the right choice? I'm lonely. I miss the hugs, and the kisses. The intimacy, the inside jokes and the little things that make your stomach tie itself in knotts. I miss what D used to do to me. (d=ex) D was such a big part of my life. I've never loved someone so much and he just crushed it all with a single act. Now he's with someone else, and has been since the day after we broke up. It just hurts - alot. When i saw him last (clubbing) it was the first time i had seen him and not burst into tears. It doesn't feel normal, right even - to love someone for so long after they hurt you so much.
Wow, confesion of the century there ^

As you can tell this entry has given you a little insight into the depression i suffer with. It hasn't reared its head since Ana and Mia came in to stay, but i guess it's squeezed through a tad. I'm sure the girls will kick it out soon enough!
You might have noticed some changes to the blog - a move around of things and i've made a brand new site dedicated to Thinspo (: Check it out?   Pretty Pro Slim    Hope you like it ! There's a link there too on the right too!
On man... Pizza on tv, makes me want pizza really bad now >< i can't give in i only have 10 days left!!!

I hope you're all staying strong and taking care of yourselves, sorry for the deep post!
I do love you guys
El xox