131

Scale is finaly back in the 131 margins. Okay, so it didn't go up past 132 but still - atleast i'm back to 131 and can go down from here. Might even make 130 by morning. I'm really sorry i didn't post last night - i done the thinspo then was to embarrassed to try and string together a blog post. Remember that good idea i had to eat before driving, well, i was wrong. I'm gutted that i was doing so well and ruined it all in a matter of 10 minutes!! I ended up having to eat yesterday as mum was home "sick" and told me to have a sandwhich before driving. I had a sweetcorn sandwhich (addicted to sweetcorn atm) and then come the evening, i ended up binging. 2 cheese and onion wraps - i purged when my mum was home for the first time ever. And i'm suprised i got away with it. But it's my first purge in about 2 weeks which is a good thing. It means Mia doesn't have such a big hold on me anymore - Ana is here and she's fighting for me. It feels good. Sick i know... But the feeling that she is there to help, to make me acheive what i want - no, need. It makes this a whole lot easier. No food as of yet, i want to binge but Ana is pretty much holding me back. I like that.

I've booked 2 photoshoots for decemeber now, so modeling is a go go ^_^

So i've been thinking a lot about life recently, my life. Wondering if i'm really happy with the decisions i've made. Since my ex, and then the guy who f***ed me about straight after - i decided "no men until i'm thin and happy"
But is that really the right choice? I'm lonely. I miss the hugs, and the kisses. The intimacy, the inside jokes and the little things that make your stomach tie itself in knotts. I miss what D used to do to me. (d=ex) D was such a big part of my life. I've never loved someone so much and he just crushed it all with a single act. Now he's with someone else, and has been since the day after we broke up. It just hurts - alot. When i saw him last (clubbing) it was the first time i had seen him and not burst into tears. It doesn't feel normal, right even - to love someone for so long after they hurt you so much.
Wow, confesion of the century there ^

As you can tell this entry has given you a little insight into the depression i suffer with. It hasn't reared its head since Ana and Mia came in to stay, but i guess it's squeezed through a tad. I'm sure the girls will kick it out soon enough!
You might have noticed some changes to the blog - a move around of things and i've made a brand new site dedicated to Thinspo (: Check it out?   Pretty Pro Slim    Hope you like it ! There's a link there too on the right too!
On man... Pizza on tv, makes me want pizza really bad now >< i can't give in i only have 10 days left!!!

I hope you're all staying strong and taking care of yourselves, sorry for the deep post!
I do love you guys
El xox