130.2

Hello my gorgeous followers <3
That number, staring me in the face. I've made my 130 goal now, but .2 away from being in the 120's is nearly too annoying to bare! I wouldn't care if i was 129.9 - as long as it's out of the dreaded 130s.
Day 3 of the fast - Mum is cooking roast now and I've kindly declined. It's a usual thing for me so she asks no questions. But the smell is enough to make anyone break. It's just those crispy potatoes i want. And veg seems extremely appetizing right now! But i refuse. No, i can't. Ana's sitting here smiling as I'm taunting myself, she knows i wont do it - she knows her hold is too tight now. I smile back, because it's all i can do.

Ana, who is she? Is she a he? I was thinking about this today - and how we all perceive lovely Ana. Is she slim? Or is she the harsh reality of what we will face if we carry on with our lives binging and eating all those foods. Personally i don't like to think of her as my exact  image, she's similar but beautiful. Oh so beautiful. Her hips protrude from her sides like beautiful butterflies are resting there. Her collar bones astound me with their profound beauty. Her stomach, flat, toned, amazing. Her arms are the size of most peoples wrists, thinning as they go - and her thighs, the most magnificent legs i've ever seen. Slender, toned, the gap big enough to fit your fist through. Her looks admirable - the beauty and grace in her step enough to make anyones jaw drop. Light as air - float like a feather. She is my idol.

I would like to hear about your image of Ana - it would be very interesting. You can comment on this blog - or even post a reply blog and link me to it. Any links i recieve will be edited into this blog so others can also look at them.

I've just talked myself out of eating completely. I'm happy with this feeling, this empty - light - losing feeling. It's amazing and i can't get enough. This will stick with me for a long time. I know it. My clothes are now fitting for a maximum of a week before i have to put them away in the fat drawer - and reach for the next bunch of skinny clothes i own. It's dropping, and with it my confidence is rising. It's a wonderful feeling.
I hope you're all doing great - i'd like to appologise for my scatty posts. I tend to think i'm boring you all sometimes. I try to make them a little more interesting now.



I thought i'd let you guys know about something that happened yesterday. I was a bit weird the whole day due to this so i didn't post. I went to a psychic fair - where i had a sit in with a medium. My Gdad came through first, tipping his hat to show he's proud. But nothing else - then comes my nan. She talks, and talk, telling me all these things that shock me - intrigue me - and also cause me to miss her more. Although one thing came to the table which i really didn't want mentioned. I had an inckling it would but i just hoped for the best.
"you think you're fat, don't you" The lady said, shaking her head dissaprovingly. This was it.. my nan was telling her all of the secrets i've kept. Damn it i think. I nod and laugh nevously.
"She wants you to know she's happy you're healthier."
I smile, awaiting the bullet.
"You're not eating. skipping meals?"
I sit, astonished. What do i say? before i even get the words out she continues.
"It's not good. They have alot of opertunities coming your way and it's no good if you're sick, ill, and weak. She said please take care and eat more"
I smile nervously choking back tears. "okay" I manage, before smiling sweetly and getting back to the rest of the reading. She went on to speak about how my Nan loved baking, puddings, Cakes, and i'll smell them when she's near. She was right - I've been smelling cakes. And she loved to bake. She came out with alot more but i'd rather not say.
So, i spent the rest of the day thinking very carefully about my next move. Do i carry this on, or do i take her warning? As you can see, i'm in too deep now. I'm carrying on till i reach my happy weight. And i guess all i can do is appologise to my Nan. I'm glad she came through - and the things she said helped me alot.
I love her & my Granddad and miss them dearly

Anyways!


Take care of yourselves girls - Stay strong - Think Thin
Until next time lovelies
El xox