Fail. Big FAT Fail.

Hey everyone,
So my weight as of tonight is 138.8lbs. Which is a plus, but i bp'd not more than an hour ago, and now i feel so so terrible for it. I'm hoping it doesn't effect my weight tomorrow or i'll be devestated. 3 & 3/4 more days to fit into those shorts.... I've organised a water and Green tea fast with my buddy, [whom is an inspiration, and i wouldn't be anywhere without her! Thank you makemethin] and we're going to try and lose 5lbs before monday. I'm hoping that will be the extra inch i need to lose from my tummy to get into them shorts again. If not i'll have such a bad night. Wish me luck i guess. Let's just hope that the left over in my system from the b&p kick starts my metabolism instead of making me gain weight. Wishful thinking!

anyways, today i have not stopped so it's an earlish night for me. Been up and out from 8am to 10pm. wind down time now, a nice blog update in bed and sleep! And just so you guys know them pills sucked for me. worst nights sleep i have had in ages! I got to sleep by 11.30pm (longer to get to sleep than suggested) and i woke up nearly every hour. Boo to them tablets! It might be different for yourselves if you try them though!

One of my close buddies Luailo has recently been in contact with great news, she is doing so well and i want to say a big congrats and well done to her! She really is helping keep me strong! She's come up with a great inspiration to us both! I'm going to get us a couple of leather plaited bracelets, and mail one off to her! So everytime we feel ourselves slipping we can remember why we are doing this!! I love this idea. It's going to really help! Oh look Luailo - You have a whole paragraph written about you!

i'm going to hit the hay now, but as promised, 139 or under thinspo! Got the perfect pics lined up. Enjoy beautiful people! Love you all so much, thank you so so much for the inspiration!
El xox

Edit;
sorry guys, I tried 3 times to upload my thinspo but blogspot is not letting me upload pictures. >:O 
I shall post an extra long one tomorrow if it's back up and working!
 

Noctura

First off i'd like to say this...
I have had trouble sleeping, and i spoke to my mum and sister about it. Luckily my sister went through the same thing, and i suspect it's due to the ED, as she suffers from Mia.
Anyway, We had these tablets in with the other tabelets. They're called Noctura. They're not prescribed drug, apparently they are just like herbal ones. And they knock you out completely! You take 2 a couple hours before you're wanting to start winding down to sleep, then another 2 an hour before you want to sleep.
I've taken the first two and i'm already feeling so relaxed and tired! Hopefully the next 2 will do the desired effect!
Thought i'd let you all know about them incase you have difficulties sleeping too. I hope this helps!

Getting back to this blog, i weighed myself in the morning and it was at 140.2lbs! That's great yes?!
I have weighed again and gone up by just over a lb, but that is probably water weight as i have been drinking soooo much today. So i'm going to stick to the morning weigh-inns for more accurate results. So i'm hoping to get to 138 or 139 tomorrow. If i am in the 130s that will give me the motivation i need to keep going! I'll be completely extatic! I can't remember the last time i was in the 130s!! 
I hope you've all had a great day, or in the US having great days! (':
Take care of yourselves. And stay strong! 
And remember: You are all special, and you are all amazing people! Don't ever give up on hope. You WILL Achieve your goals! 
Much love,
El xox

Waking up, shaking, feels much better

Every Avenue - Picture Perfect

First off, have a listen to this. *click link* [above ^] I've listened to Every Avenue for a long time now, years, and this song off of their latest album just says it all to me. You may not find the lyrics very fitting, but maybe one of you will... They fit for me, how i think, and feel!

My finaly weigh in for the day is 141.2lbs! Hopefully 140 or even 139lbs tomorrow. If i get to 139 i will post a thinspo up with tomorrows post, if not, i will probably reach it by thursday and post a thinspo with that daily post (:

Total weight loss to date: 11.8lbs
Total pounds to lose: 40lbs
Days until deadline: 34? Maybe 33.
I can do this!!

I'd like to say a big thank you once again to my followers and your comments. You really are the reason i stay strong <3

Hope you're all doing well,
El xox

Mini-update

I had to come on before college and let you all know, i'm now at 141.2lbs! That's  0.2 more to go until i'm back to my weight before i messed up!
I'm so happy right now, and excited to see my weight come next monday!
Stay strong!
El xox

Scaleoholic

Yes, i admit, I'm a scaleoholic. Are you?
The temptation always hit hard around the evening time when the day catches up with me. Once in the morning before i go about my daily business. Once in the afternoon if I'm not busy. And the evening, I lose count!
This time it's worked in my favour. I've watched the number go down, and down, and down, all day today, and now, I'm at 143lbs exactly. 1.4lbs lighter than i was this afternoon. Happy? Not quite. I'm content with losing weight, content my efforts are not in vain. But I'm not, nor will be happy until I'm clear of all the worry. Down to the weight I've dreamed of being again for over a year. I will get back there.... And i won't hang about.

Is this a miracle? Ofc it isn't. And neither will getting down to 100<
It's just my hard work and determination (:
I hope you're all doing well,
Keep up the good work!
El xox

I guess you never knew me at all.

I realised how weak i've been recently. This song i'm listening to reminds me of all the people who've never beleived in me (at parts) and especially my ex! Who is going to kick himself when i next 'bump' into him. And anyone else for that matter.
Here are some parts i really like and motivate me to keep going;

I'm struggling to see the better side of me
But I can't take all your jabs and taunts
You're pointing out my every fault
And you wonder why I walked away

When you tell me I'm a wreck
You say that I'm a mess
How could you expect anything less?

Still I see you standing there
Waiting 'round for me to fall
Girl you must be crazy
Still believing you and me belong
I guess you never knew me at all.


By monday the 4th, i will beable to fit into the waist high shorts, and i will look great in my new top i bought today. That is my vow.
Also.. i'm now a size 10 [tops] ;D So that's made me happy.
Still 12/14 bottoms though. Stupid muffin top. 
Muffin tops suck ey? That will deffinately be gone by November!!! 

El xox

Promises

Today was part success! Family started to get suspicious so i had to have something. so i ate a small yorkshire pudding and a few mouthfulls of apple&rhubarb crumble! Not much, so it's okay i think. This week will be alot easier from now! Busy busy and alone alot so no questions asked!
Hope you're all well.
As promised, here is a thinspo for you lovely people!
Enjoy!
El xox

[Thinspo of the day]

[Thinspo girl of the day]

Cher Lloyd

[xfactor]

Cold September day

It's a cold, wet day today, and it fits my mood perfectly.

I'm sorry i haven't been posting. I've felt too embarassed to even say anything on here, but the good thing is i'm back on track thanks to a good friend of mine. I got out of the family meal fine, as i'm ill i just said i felt too ill and woke up too late to have a roast. Just sitting upstairs in my cold room now and thinking how much stronger i am for not sitting downstairs eating the fatty foods. All is well, right now. I have a new outlook on things and my motivation is clearly back. [i turned down yorkshire puddings..it must be!]
Good news for you lovely people, i'll be updating tonight with a thinspo, so check back later!
Hope you're all doing well,
El xox

154000

Not sure what is wrong with me the last couple of days! I've been craving tuna! horrible smelly tuna! Meh! I used to live off it when i was 103lbs so maybe going back to that is a good idea? Huh.. we'll see.
Starting a fast tomorrow with my lovely buddy, so no more tuna for me!
stayed under 500cals today and went for a 2.5mile jog, then had a cold shower, so i probably burnt it off haha. I'm going to try and get up at 9am every day i don't have college and go for a jog, 2times around my block is about 2.5 miles, so if i do that morning and evening thats 5miles everyday! that should be about 550cals burnt by exercise a day, plus fasting, so being realistic, it would take me 273 days of fasting to reach my 100lbs comfortable self.
273 days?! hmm. Deffinately need to put in other things.. New plan
According to this website i burn around 1720 calories a day. plus my 550 cals makes it 2270cals a day burnt. So it would take me arround 67 days of fasting to reach my goal!
Want to know how i did it? It's quite good really...

1) Figure out how many pounds you must loose to be at your ideal weight. Multiply by 3500 (how many calories that equal a pound). This is what you need to work off.

2) Figure out how many calories you burn doing any exercise you do daily

3) Figure out the amount of calories you burn on an everyday basis

4) Add 2+3 together, then devide how many calories you NEED to work off by how many you DO work off. This will give you your days of fasting!

5) if you calorie count, take away the calories you eat from 2+3 before you devide the calories!


I need to work off - 154000 [not including if i eat]

good stuff hey! (: enjoy!
El xox

[Thinspo girl of the day!]

Jenifer Love Hewit

Because i love her <3

Strange

Hey bloggers, i'd like to start off with a big thank you to everyone who reads and comments my blog, you guys are such a big help.

Today has been a weird day, the first day in a while i've eaten something and enjoyed it. It was tuna sweetcorn. So not bad, and for once i didn't completely feel bad and want to purge. And not just because my parents are in and my throat is killing from other times. Plus i've been really ill lately with chest infections and sinus infections. Tuna is ment to be good for the immune system! I'll be really busy tomorrow so hopefully will be a Fast day.
English was great, and got my homework sorted! Maths tomorrow, fingers crossed.
Hope you're all having a great day!
Love,
El xox

2, only 2!

I can't believe i messed up again today ): had a 18 hour day. b+p and ate a sandwhich when i finished college. I'm not going to mess up again, i'm only 2lbs away from where i was a week ago, then it only gets better from there!
College was great, can't wait to do the coursework, driving was great too!
Short and sweet as my Anti Depressant is about to send me off to sleepy land,
so take care all
El xox

I need to stop

Well, failure is one word that comes to mind. B&p again today. It's getting worse, and i really didn't want to go down that road. I just can't stop myself. If i eat anything, i have to purge.
I'm such a failure. A weak person. Get a grip! - thats what i keep screaming to myself. I need to get a grip.

Early mornings suck

Good morning bloggers, [it's 00:39 here]
i'm afraid this post is only going to be a short one, as i really need to get to sleep! I'm just waiting for my tablet to kick in.
Today went fine, although i started to really crave bread and pizza [luckily we have no pizza] so i really had to put all my strength into steering clear of eating the bread. I know i should have something, only if it's small but to me it's just failure. I'm back down 3lbs, which is great! I know, i know, i said i wouldn't weigh myself! But i can't help it! I must weight myself 6 times a day even though i know deep down nothing would have changed in the couple of hours since i last weighed myself.
I have a driving lesson in 8 hours so i really should sleep, long day ahead of me. I start my English GCSE course in the evening, which i'm looking forward to. It's the maths i'm dreading, i tried brushing up on my fractions and nearly had a meltdown it was so fustrating!
Hopefully i'll have a nap during the day so i wont be tired and moody meeting all the new people on my course, and who knows, i might even meet a nice guy for once ! (;
Sorry but there will be no thinspo today, i decided that i should maybe do one every few posts, since i'm running out of sources for the pictures! haha
I hope you're all doing well, and taking care of yourselves.
I will leave you with a girl of the day, because i do love that!
El xox

[Thinspo girl of the day]

Nicole Scherzinger!

Back on board!

Hey everyone, thank's so much for the comments, you're all really helping me. Today's been really hard, and not because i've not eaten [to be honest it's just normal to me now] but because my head has been throbbing all day. I've taken tablets, kept myself hydrated, everything, but it just wont go away. I think i may need a stronger prescription for my eyes, these glasses are making it worse if anything ):
Well, appart from that i've gone the whole day no problems, mum got me my ciggys thankfully! The only problem with that is that it's really scary outside tonight with the wind, and i hate going out alone to smoke. Too eerie, makes me uncomfortable!
I decided that i'm not going to record my progress [weight and measurments] till Monday or Tuesday. I'm going to give it a day or two, just to get a more accurate reading!
Well, it's 00:11am now, and i have a really achey jaw, a banging headache and i'm not tired one little bit! Fun fun! But i'll leave you all with the thinspo for the day and hope you enjoy it!
Thank -you again everyone, Take care
El
xox

[Thinspo for the day!]

[Thinspo girl of the day!]

 Rachel Bilson

Because i just adore her <3

Sorry everyone

Sorry for not posting last night, i've had a really bad few days but i'm happy to say that i am officially back on the wagon! I put on 6lbs (bad, right??) but atleast it wasnt the whole 12lbs i lost! I was really upset last night because i wanted to slim down by my friends birthday, which i thought was a week away. Turns out it's 2 weeks, which is plently of time to fast my way down to around 130lbs (: I will update properly tonight, but just thought i should appologise!
Hope you're having a great day/evening!
Love El xox

Not much to say

Again, not much to say, i failed again today but i guess now there is nothing to temp me again lol! Just been for a jog, just over a mile, so atleast i did some exercise! Would have done more but i had to stop as i felt like i was having an asthma attack so had to take my asthma pump about 5 times and now i can't stop coughing!
Anyways, i'll post again tomorrow with some good news hopefully,
take care
El xox

[Thinspo for the day!]

[Thinspo girl of the day!]

 Audrey Kitching

<3

Embarrassment

I don't even want to tell you guys about today, it's an embarrassment.
Will update tomorrow night, mum finally went shopping so i have plenty of diet coke and diet energy drink [which she got wrong. Kinda defeats the energy kick i'll need getting diet -.-]
Hope you're all doing better than i am,
El xox

Oh no! This is bad!

This is not good! My friend has come over for the evening who i haven't seen in months and there is no way in hell i can tell her about my eating, so she ordered us pizza with sides. I got thin based to try and lower the cals, but oh my i've eaten alot. I don't even know why i did it, it was just there and i felt so greedy, i just couldn't stop. This is going to give me a serious increase on the scales, i'm going to have to do alot of working out tomorrow night, no, scratch that, for the rest of the week!! I can't beleive i've done this i feel like such a fat pig. I'm having enough trouble! I ate pasta an hour before she came and threw it up because i felt so bad, but i don't even have the option now! My parents are back and in bed, and she is oposite me. I'm just so so angry at myself! I can't believe it, honestly.
Other than that today's been blah. Just a complete blur. Think i'll leave it at that, and just motivate myself as much as i can to do all this working out! the scales showed 141.4lbs but tomorrow i know it will be so much more.
Hope you're all doing well,
El xox

[Thinspo of the day!]

[Thinspo girl of the day!]

 Frankie

from the Saturdays