I wanna stand beside you
I wanna try and feel the pain you're going through
Till the death you'll see this through
Cold sweats, hallucinations
I wanna scream to show the hell I'm going through
The addiction's taking you
Everyone is sick of caring
No silver lining on the cloud that covers you
Let it pour and soak you through
No hope just desperation
So sit and wait for death
And pray it takes you soon
The addiction's taking you
Can you see me through bloodshot eyes (bloodshot eyes)
Should I fight for what is right or let it die
Now I'm choking on force fed lies
Do I fight or let it die
I will fight, one more fight
Don't break down in front of me
I will fight, when you fight
I am not the enemy
I will try, one last time
Are you listening to me
I will fight, the last fight
I am not your enemy
Can you feel me through bloodshot eyes
Should I fight another night or let it die
Now I'm choking on every lie
Should I fight or let it die
I am not your, not your enemy!
Not sure what to say about the lyrics. Some of my favourite but you might read them differently. Bullet for my valentines album "Fever" is just amazing. The words really get me.
Hello everyone, and welcome to the new followers <3 (:
It's been a few days, and i must apologise for my scattyness when it comes to posting. I've been swamped lately. Started my new job today, it's only factory work but it was actually good. Time passes so fast there and it's easy money! All good for now.
Got Photoshoots booked Saturday and Sunday this weekend, then back to work Monday. Straight after that is the Christmas party (clubbing, no meal thankfully) and then Tuesday I'm meant to be working but I'm trying to get out of it!
Sunday i had to sit down with my parents and family for a roast. I got away with mostly veggies and a small slice of chocolate cake for afters. I gained 1lb. 120 Sunday. 120 Monday. 120 Tuesday, then dropped to 119 in the evening. Wed, 118.. Now? 118.4 :/ I've been hovering around 118 since Wednesday night when i had to have that meal. One slice of pizza i told myself, one. But i was a greedy fat bitch and had about 4, with jalapeno cheesy bites AND garlic bread. I purged it all, basically. I got back down to 119 that night,woke up at 118 yesterday and in the afternoon, the house was empty and the pizza was looking so appetising. Yes, i binged on 2 slices and a small slice of garlic bread. Then purged it back down to 118.9 or something. I regret it now. I thought it would be okay but clearly it wasn't. I was going from 117.4 to 118 exactly today on the scale. I was so hopeful, then it stuck on 118.AGAIN.
I'm just sick of the number now. Worked 8-3 today, a good 45 minute walk home and walking up and down stairs a bit today at work. Nothing to eat as of yet and too tired to even think about the effort it'd take to quietly purge in my room and stay up late enough to get rid of the evidence. Not to mention the paranoia that runs through me. Meh. Photoshoot tomorrow and i refuse to be 118 for it. I just refuse. I need to get an early night for it or I'll have bags as big as Mary Poppins. SIGH!
I hope you're all doing better than me
I will make the time to comment on all your blogs and catch up with everyone tomorrow night after my photoshoot.
Stay strong everyone, stronger than me right now!
Much love,
El xoxo
You aren't alone, I'm only just coming out of a 3-day binge-fast-binge-fast cycle.
ReplyDeleteYou'll get through this plateau in no time, you just have to stay focused =D
photoshoots? You're a model?
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard stopping after that first slice. And then after you throw up the entire pizza you just swallowed, your stomach is like a deflated balloon just waiting to be filled again. Such a vicious circle. I sometimes wish I could staple my throat closed, so that only liquids would be able to get past. Good luck with being under 118 tomorrow!
we all have are binge days i have had alot of them recently so ur not alone
ReplyDeletegood luck on ur shoots hun