January 12, 2011

like screaming in the air, a sound for all who care

I don't quite know how to explain this feeling.
I'm reading my first book about Ana + Mia and since starting I've had this strange feeling.
You know when your stomach sinks and knots. Like something bad is about to happen? It's like that, but worse.
I keep thinking about how she done it, how I'm doing it all wrong. The dictator in my head has never been so opinionated, or loud, before this. She's screaming at me, all those cokes, teas, hot chocolates, redbulls. I'm weak. I'm the only thing that's been slowing my progress. Why haven't I been doing sit ups? I have spare minutes before bed. I'm lazy. That's why. A fat lazy bitch who isn't dedicated enough.
Things need to change. They will. This is the end of my failure.
45 sit ups a night. Adding 9 on every night (like the girl in the book) as it's also my lucky number. It has to change. Or I'll be this way forever.
No more failure, she won't allow it. I won't allow it. I can't quit, not until I'm happy.

Needed to vent, somewhere to voice my thoughts.
Much love,
El Xox
Posted by Skinny_el at 13:02

8 comments:

  1. Rowan13 January 2011 at 03:48

    I hear you! Thanks for posting this, it was super inspirational! But also, your progress is AWESOME and inspiring too! Thank you so much, and good luck! You can do it. <3 <3 <3

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  2. Annie13 January 2011 at 04:43

    what book are you reading?

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  3. Her13 January 2011 at 06:24

    Just breathe and focus. Breathe and focus. Focus on the pain and embrace it. Embrace Ana's love.

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  4. Dylphe13 January 2011 at 09:12

    what book is that maybe i need to read that to give me that additional kick in the ass!!
    stay strong

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  5. Dani13 January 2011 at 13:51

    what book are u reading?
    nad ur not a failure hun but i get like that too when i read an ana book

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  6. Alex13 January 2011 at 18:57

    I hate that you call yourself such things :( I love you, and you need to love yourself. I'm glad you have motivation! I'm really glad! But make it positive! Don't hate yourself <3

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  7. Alex13 January 2011 at 19:16

    Oh and also hun, for your link in the sidebar, my blog name has changed so your link doesn't work any more <3

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  8. Smallasapanda14 January 2011 at 09:17

    Aww we all get like that Hun, especially reading those books. It makes me feel so lazy in comparison, like I can't justify that I am eatig disordered when they do it so much better. We all do what we can babe. Everyone struggles, keep your chin up

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